And to back-blog

I just noticed I never posted Friday about how that appointment went! I had one follicle on my right that was 16.4 and the other on my left at 10.5. My lining was pretty good at 9.5. I was given instructions to trigger Friday night and we set up a Sunday IUI!

This Weekend

Whew. This weekend was crazy. Friday we went and saw Indiana Jones 4; which was ok - not fabulous, but ok. My expectations were pretty low, so I wasn't too disappointed. I took my trigger shot at 9:30pm. The needle was bigger than the Gonal-f pen, which freaked me out, because it was harder to give myself the shot then. I really had to jab it.

Saturday we woke up early-ish to go to the Family Reunion deal out in New Waverly. We got there right around noon and stayed until about 3:30. We didn't get home until almost 5 and then Marc had to work so he could take Tuesday off. So I watched TV, did laundry and cleaned the house up for the maid to come on Monday.

Sunday, we woke up early and dropped Marc's "collection" off at the doctor at 8:30. We then went out and had breakfast and went back an hour later. Well, it turns out we could have taken our time with breakfast, because we ended up waiting an hour for them to call us. The office's AC was broken too, and I swear it was close to 90 degrees in that waiting room! It was horrible! We finally got to go back and then the IUI was done! It was pretty painless - more uncomfortable than anything else. I was slightly concerned because that morning I took an OPK test and it was negative. But, later that day, once we got into San Antonio, I started feeling cramps and pains around my ovaries, so I'm pretty sure I ovulated. I didn't bring any OPK test to check though. Marc and I were able to complete our "homework" that night and Monday morning, so I think we have a pretty good chance. The nurse said my CM (cervical mucus) was nice and looked like I was ovulating, and that made me feel better.

So now we're onto the dreaded two week wait. I wish Big Brother was on so I could have something else to distract myself with, other than the nest and thinking about if I'm "getting pregnant". My abdominal area feels bloated today. I will go back to the doctor's Monday, June 9. Seriously, it feels forever away. I'll be able to start testing that Saturday. By then I'll be 12 days past, and should get a pretty good idea. Wish me luck!

I wanted to take today off of work like Marc, but never heard back from my boss when I asked. He said he texted me back, but I never got it. I'm very curious about whether he actually did or not.

News Updated

So I talked to the nurse. My estrogen levels were at 194, which is ok. They want me to do Gonal again tonight and then come in tomorrow to see if they can tell me to trigger Friday night or Saturday - whee! I'm so excited. I'm going to do the shot as soon as I get home tonight instead of waiting like I normally do, so it has a chance to really do its work. I can't believe I'm so close to having this actually happen. This also pretty much shoots our SA trip to hell... if we trigger Fri/Sat then the IUI would be Sun/Mon. Not fun for anyone - that would mean the nurses would have to come in on their day off, which would totally suck for them. But if that's what has to happen, I'm all for it! We'll see after tomorrow!

News

So I'm back from the doctor, where it looks like things are going... ok. Not great. But ok. My lining is nice and thick, and I have some growth. On the right, the largest follicle is 14.4. The left one has the largest coming in at 8.8. The left is disappointing, but at least I know the medicine is working. I'm going to continue with the Gonal-f for a couple more days (I think - when they call with my estrogen levels, they'll tell me for sure) and then possibly go in on Saturday. Which works out perfectly, except that we won't know what the plan is until then, so going to San Antonio and the length of time we stay is all up in the air. I think we'll definitely go to SA though and, if need be, schedule a Monday appointment later in the day so we can spend two nights there.
I was hoping my follicles would have grown nice and big and that I'd have more than one viable follicle, but as they say, you only need one... blah blah blah... meh. This is a good learning experience for next time though. Hopefully I'll be on a slightly higher dosage, with no Clomid (I don't think it does anything). Of course, this is assuming this won't all work out. At least we aren't cancelled!

Injections, Round Two

So, I last night went well, with the injection and what not. I was all professional and "I know what I'm doing now". I really kicked it's ass! I wasn't a baby, there was no messing around and only the smallest hesitation before the actual prick (because really, should it ever feel normal to stab yourself?) I was so proud!

Until now. Now and all day, really. I have realized that the injection has been kicking MY ass, all day long. I have a horrendous headache, I'm still all bloaty and now I'm gassy and have slight heartburn. I also cannot go 5 minutes without yawning. I am exhausted. Completely wiped. I know this can't compare to the tired-ness of pregnancy and the no-sleep thrills I will hopefully one day have, thanks to a sleepless baby, but man. Right here, right now? This thing is kicking my ass. I'm SO glad I only have one more day of these (well, so far, anyway). I really really hope they are working. Update tomorrow after u/s and b/w. I'm wearing my hair down, but haven't decided on the rest of the outfit.

The Un-Natural-ness of It

So last night Marc and I almost passed out. Seriously. I went shopping after work. Bought cute socks. Picked up dinner. Ate dinner. And between the meal and the Frosty... was the injection. I did not know how big a deal this would be for me. And I learned, oh yes I learned. I know I do not "do well" with needles - especially shots. I figure, a needle that takes something out of me is a lot less painful than a needle putting something into me, so generally blood draws are nothing! Shots are different. I don't know if it's the sting of the medicine when it goes in or what, but I do not do well with needles.

So the injection lasted a lot longer than intended. I paced. I sat. I looked at the needle. I put it up to my stomach about a hundred times and thought "There is NO WAY I am going to be able to do this." It was just so unnatural. Marc about passed out just looking at the needle, but valiantly offered to give me the shot. He said he would probably pass out afterwards though. I told him, that was ok. I then had a thought - a stroke of pure genius. ICE. I'll numb the area. How stupid am I? So I numbed it and stabbed myself. It was a very weird feeling. Very. Weird. But it didn't hurt at all.

I then had a panic attack of if I managed to get the medicine in me correctly. Did it work? How do I know? I called the pharmacy and couldn't get anyone, so then called Fertility Lifeline who assured me that if I heard two clicks, I did it right.

Let me just get on my soap box real quick... ok. WHAT THE FUCK??? These pens are stupid. I hate them. I would much rather see the medicine in the needle, watch it go away as I inject myself and know that I actually gave myself medicine! You can't tell if you did it right or not! You can't tell if you did it at all! And if you make a mistake and set it to an amount that is too high - well guess what? You just wasted all that medicine. Medicine that IS NOT CHEAP. Just give me a damn needle and a freaking vial. Seriously. The pens suck. They suck ass. I'm so irritated about the whole thing.

Tonight I have the joy of a repeat performance. I watched a couple on YouTube and saw how the gray plunger thingie moves, so I'll have to watch for that.

Update from the Doctor

So I went in today for my CD8 b/w and u/s. I have taken Clomid CD 3-7. My results were:

Lining: 5.5mm
Right Ovary: She saw like 36 follicles with the largest being 10.7mm and no others even close to that
Left Ovary: she saw a lot of follicles; largest being 6.4mm and all others smaller
Estrogen: 80

Now, I will start the Gonal-F and continue it to Wednesday (instead of Tuesday) and have a follow up appointment on Thursday. I'm guessing because of my low follicle size and the # of follicles at that size, they're going to keep me on injectibles longer. Here's hoping that this medication will actually work to make my one large one grow and hopefully get another one up there! I hope I don't end up with 36 10mm follicles or little to no growth on the big one.

I have to say, I'm already a little disappointed at what my body is doing. I think this is worse than last time. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, what with my body's normal lack of response to Clomid. This is where the injectibles come in - to give me and my broken ovaries a boost! A much needed boost, as it appears.

I'm anxious about the shot tonight and am super anxious about the followup appointment Thursday. I'm also stupidly superstitious, so I'm already trying to decide if my wearing my hair up led to the somewhat disappointing appointment today and wondering what I should wear Thursday, because IT WILL MATTER. Like I said - stupid. stupidstupidstupid. But I can't help the way I think!

La De Da

Pretty much describes my mood, even with waking up pretty grouchy.

Could have something to do with the new purse that is heading my way... (please be as totally super cute in real life as you are on my monitor!)

Could have something to do with the fact that I pretty much blew off a good 1-1.5 hours with my boss/friend just gabbing this morning...

Could have something to do with the fact that we have a pretty busy weekend ahead of us, which is usually pretty fun...

OR it could be the fact that I got my injectibles in! They came into my work and are all official and serious looking the package that says "personal and confidential" and "refrigerate upon arrival". The nosy receptionist asked about them, to which I proudly said: It's medicine! She was sorry she asked.

I told another person about our IF yesterday. It just feels good to talk about it. She sits in the cube right next to mine, so I know she can pretty much overhear all the talk about stuff when I call the RE and notices when I come in late due to "Dr's Appts" all the time. She had a friend go through IF, so she understands a lot of it (as much as she can - she's in her 30's, not close to being married and kinda thinks that if kids are in her future, she might have to go down this path). She's incredibly sweet and I know she'll be supportive and nice about the whole thing, so it's a good thing.

I definitely feel a lot more open about everything, after telling Marc's mom about it. We aren't sure we are going to be able to go down to San Antonio next weekend and didn't want to just leave her hanging, so we let them know. I think we'll slowly start letting more people know. We're getting more comfortable with everything ourselves, which makes us more comfortable in talking about it to other people.

I'm just happy I'm in an overall good mood. I think this weekend, if I get the opportunity, I'll drink, but not too much, and then abstain until I know what's going on - if the cycle goes forward I'll wait until I know whether it worked. I know some people are very strict with their alcohol intake and have completely cut themselves off (more power to them), but I don't feel like that is necessary, and my doctor has not put those restrictions on me. So I'll wait and try to have a relaxing weekend. The sooner the weekend is over, the sooner next week gets here and we'll know more and hopefully be able to have something happen! Like an IUI!

New Plan! New Plan!

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I was NOT too excited to begin this cycle. I knew the Clomid wouldn't really work, since I have not responded well from it in the past. So! This morning! I had the rule-out-cysts ultrasound which basically is an ultrasound to make sure I don't have any cysts on my ovaries (because then they wouldn't give me any Clomid and the cycle would be cancelled (I think - if I had one I was going to ask about alternatives)) but I didn't have any cysts! Yay for that! First victory-o-the-day!

So then, in talking to the ultrasound technician, we talked about my last cancelled cycle and how Dr. C (not my doctor) had talked to me about moving straight onto IVF and how I knew I would definitely NOT do that, as I believe every body is different and I would like to try to injectibles to see how I respond to that first. And she mentioned doing a COMBINATION cycle of Clomid and injectibles! It's more aggressive, but the doctor gave the ok and after talking to the tech, she said she thought it would give me a nice little "boost" to the Clomid, so I was SOLD! And it's a nice intermediary step from just Clomid/IUI to injectibles/IUI. Apparently, the clinic hasn't done a lot of these and the process is pretty new, but I'm going to do it! It cost a little more money, but since we had a credit from the last cycle, it got applied to that.

I'm so excited about this cycle now. I couldn't believe it when she said the doctor gave his ok. I'm still on a monitored cycle, but the clinic is ordering my meds which I'll have shipped to my work and then my next appointment will be Monday, the 19th. I'll be taking Clomid CD 3-7 instead of 5-9 and I won't be getting 150mg like I was going to, they're going to give me 100mg, like last time. I'll do the injectibles CD 8-9 and then go back on CD 10. All my appointments will now also be accompanied with a blood draw to check estrogen levels.

So now, I'm just hoping my body does what it's supposed to with all of the new medications. I'm so excited about a new process and that I was listened to about my pessimism about the Clomid and my body's response to it.

Cramps

Man. Am I glad to have started. Right on schedule too (see - that's ironic because I'm not really ever on schedule... I have to take meds to make me start) I did accurately guess about when I would start though, so it's humorous to me that I actually started. Tomorrow is my Rule-out-cysts ultrasound appointment, so we'll see where I stand there, then. I'm nervous because last time I had a medium-ish cyst on one ovary, that, thankfully wasn't large enough to keep me from going forward, but was there, nevertheless. So hopefully, I'm cyst free tomorrow. And hopefully, the Clomid will work. To be honest, I'm not really expecting much from this cycle. I don't think the Clomid will work and I don't think I'll have good sized follicles and I do think the Clomid will affect the thickness of my uterine lining, which is just another way this cycle could be cancelled. I'm definitely one bitten, twice shy about all of this and am trying not to be too nervous, anxious or pessimistic (can you tell by the rambling?) but am. We'll see how tomorrow goes. It might be cancelled right then and there! And then I'll have a whole month and a half of wait time to start again. Fun. And I won't have Big Brother to distract me from the Nest boards and all the "babyness" of the web.

Anyway, this weekend was fun - we didn't really do much. Friday was a blast - we had a company fun day where we played Laser Tag, bowling and arcade games at The Main Event. We also got treated to a nice lunch and I didn't have to work too much at all! It was a great way to completely wear myself out physically (instead of mentally) and made me completely forget about work and all the BS.

On that note, I have updated my resume! And posted it online! We'll see what kind of response I get, now that I have learn-ed skillz in marketing.

The Attitude of Meh

Am lazy. And super bizzy, if working until after six (SIX) every night this week (till 6:45 Tuesday night) counts as being busy. Which, to me - it so does.

Am tired also. Almost forgot to take my Provera last night and then did and slept like the dead. I had a dream about a guy named David. I don't remember much except when I woke up and thought - well if I'm dreaming about men who want me and not babies, maybe this means something. And then immediately thought - will not tell Marc about Dream David. Cuz, can you say awkward? I don't want to know and therefore will assume he doesn't either.

And new topic! Actually no new topic, because as I pointed out: Am lazy.

The end

Blog? What Bl... oh. Yeah.

So yes, I'm alive, dear blog-o-mine. I know what you' thinking - that now, I'm all of a sudden too good for you. I go off to New Orleans and have a fabulous time and then come back and don't post and completely forget about you. But! NO! I'm not! I'm back! Here! Writing! See me tap-tap-tapping on the little keys? So, from where I left off *ahem* two weeks ago, we left for NO on Thursday morning. I was pretty busy at work just trying to get everything finished in time for the big trip. We had a great time in NO, doing all sorts of awesome touristy things, like eating and drinking and walking and a leetle bit of shopping (no, seriously - I didn't buy a whole lot). But the eating and drinking - yeah. There was lots of that.

Thursday we get in and go to our hotel to unload - we find out we've been given rooms that join together and that have balconies overlooking Bourbon St - awesome! We take a few minutes of down time and then head out for lunch. We stopped at Pat O'Briens for a later morning hurricane and proceeded to Port of Call where we had a Monsoon and great burgers. We then went to Razoo's where we stayed for most of the day. I danced and drank and drank and drank. We were in pretty early (after a stop at Mango's for pizza - I think) at around 11pm, but after a long day of partying and only getting 4 hours of sleep the night before - I was DONE. Unfortunately, our room overlooked Bourbon St. So sleep, the entire weekend was something I desired a lot more of.

Friday we ate at some cafe (breakfast was meh). We walked around Jackson Square, went down to the Canal St shops, ate lunch at Drago's, stopped at Harrah's and just took it easy. That night we went out and there was bull riding and more Mango's Pizza.

Saturday we were toast. I was so sore from Thursday (seriously - I don't understand how your body can ache so badly - I felt as though I'd been beat up) that after Friday, I didn't want to move. We went down to the Garden District to sight see and took a trolley back to our hotel. Amy was pretty sick that day, so she stayed back, except when it was time to eat! We went to the Acme Oyster House - which was fabulous. I have a new love for etouffee. I need to find me a place in Houston that has good etouffee because man - that stuff rocked. We flew back early Sunday morning and immediately had to clean the house for a showing (that was brutal) that ended up being cancelled (even worse). We ate lunch and went over to my folks' for my dad's and brother's birthdays. That was fun although I was exhausted. I think I ghost walked through work on Monday and Tuesday.

Marc had to leave to go to Tucson Tuesday afternoon. His grandfather died Wednesday night in his sleep. He just got back into town this Saturday and was glad to be home! I wish I could have gone to Tucson to be with Marc, Amy and the family, but couldn't take all that time off so soon after being gone. I should have left. I feel guilty about that and felt left out and pretty lonely the entire time Marc was gone. I know there's nothing I could have done for Marc, except be there. But I wish I had gone for a day or two.

So that leads us to today. The weekend was nice and relaxing. We went to Alex and Jen's Saturday after Marc got back into town, which was nice because we hadn't been there in a while. Sunday we caught up on TV we'd missed, went to the grocery store and just relaxed.

Today happens to be my CD 35. I POAS and got a negative, so I'm calling the RE's to get my prescription for Provera and we get to start this all over again, except with a higher dosage of Clomid. Hopefully this will work! I really do not want to end up having IVF. So, here's to this cycle!

Sleeeeeeep

I slept a lot this weekend. A LOT. Marc, Amy and I went out to The Old Brick Tavern last Friday and got our drink on. Man, did we drink a lot. I was hungover something fierce Saturday getting ready for the open house - which turned out pretty well - yay! We had several groups of people come by while we went out to eat and dropped our taxes off at the post office and drove around some. Marc and I both were horribly afraid that no one would show, but we got good comments on everything except the "problem" area we knew we 'd get comments about - the carpet. But, it went pretty well! I then came home and took what I thought was a short nap, that ended up being a 4 and a half hour nap. I didn't wake up again until 8:00!! I then was awake until around 1am then went to bed and slept until 9:30-10:00! That's a hell of a lot of sleep. So it didn't really feel like I did anything this weekend. I was in a pretty bad mood, too. I don't know why, but I was just in this funk I couldn't seem to break out of. Ugh. I still feel a little blah today, but not so bad. Poor Marc.

Ready, Set, Not

So this week has been horrible already. I went to the doctor on Monday for a checkup to see how my follicles were growing. They aren't. So the cycle was cancelled.

From what they said, no growth of follicles means that the likelihood of ovulation is very slim. I'm totally bummed out. Depressed. This sucks. It's so frustrating to be so close to having something actually happen. But instead we're stuck in a waiting pattern. Only my pattern is forever long - 5 weeks (May 12) is my estimate to start my cycle again. Looking at my calendar and realizing that if I were normal my period would most likely start after day 28 - April 21 - sucks.

The plan:
- Day 35 (I'm at CD16 today...) with a negative HPT, call in for a prescription of Provera
- 10 days on Provera
- ~4 days until my period actually starts (this would be the middle of May now)
- Go in for cyst-checking u/s CD 2-4; if we're good, then
- 150mg Clomid on CD 5-9
- u/s ~CD 10
- u/s ~CD 14 (this is where I was on Monday and 7 weeks from now)

So 7 weeks until my new cycle day 14... where I left off. Bleh. If that doesn't work, we have been advised that IVF would be the best option for me, PCOS girl. We have been thinking that IVF would be the last possible resort, and never thought that it would ever get that far. So now the possibility of selling our house while TTC and possibly spending tens of thousands of dollars doing so... It's worrisome that we will go into debt, or have to get a cheaper house because we will have gone through our down payment money.

This is supposed to be the cheap, hell - the FREE part of having a kid! No birth control pills, no condoms, etc - hah!

I'm pretty sure that if the higher dosage of Clomid doesn't work out, we're going to try injectibles (FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) injectibles/stims -they go by many names). The RE says that girls with PCOS aren't a good candidate for injectibles because we have so MANY follicles, that injectibles would cause all of them to possibly release an egg, which could lead to high # multiples - which is not something we want - if they even let the cycle continue; they would most likely cancel the cycle due to over-stimulation of the follicles. But, in my thinking, there is no guarantee that that would happen (every body is different) and since it's a fuck load cheaper than IVF, I'm thinking we're going to try that if this cycle doesn't pan out and see.

Mun-day

So it is Monday again. I feel like we just did this! So - WTF? This weekend was a blur... of nothingness. We left the house once to eat. All weekend. Including Friday night. We are such winners. Guess how many episodes of X-files I watched? A LOT. This afternoon I have my doctor's appointment, where we'll see how big my follies are! Excitement! I had to let The Tool (I am starting to feel bad about that nickname... he hasn't done anything truly toolish in a while, so I'm thinking of renaming him here... ahem - where was I? oh right...) know about the doctor's appointment today and the possible upcoming appointments this week. Here is a snapshot of that wonderful, not awkward-at-all conversation:

ME: I have a doctor's appointment today, and I will most likely have one or two more this week. TOOL: looks at me like – wow
ME: explains that I am getting a procedure done and that all these appointments were pre-procedure appointments to make sure my body is working the way it is supposed to for the actual procedure, which may happen on Saturday. Or not. And that if he needed me to, I had no problem getting a doctor’s note.
TOOL: Um, ok.

I think I over-shared, but hopefully, without sharing too much. (did that even make sense?)

Fri-Day!

Yay! Slightly busy here... and very worried that I may be moved... which would suck. Right now my cube faces the lovely 6-10 loop here in Houston, from the 15th floor. I can see the Astrodome (far away) and all the trees in between. But they're talking about moving people and since I pretty much lucked into getting this cube (in between people) I have a feeling they're going to give it to a new person, who would be 'higher up'. I would be pretty fucking pissed if they did that though. So I guess we'll see. I'm not super happy with my job right now anyway, hopefully as soon as I get knocked up and get my maternity leave, I can find another job. shhhhh We're going to keep that on the dl.

I'm very happy that the weekend is almost here - next week should be the IUI... then the dreaded 2ww. Or 3ww to 4ww, since I am so irregular and probably won't get my period on time and will probably have to take medicine to start it up again, which they wouldn't want me to do until late in my cycle to really, absolutely make sure I wasn't pregnant. I keep thinking about the possibility of being pregnant and if it will ever happen to me. It's weird... I can't imagine being pregnant (well, duh) so its hard to imagine that I ever will be.

At least I have my other babies, BK and Lebowski, the most adorable cats in the world. And my husband, of course, who is very supportive. It's funny - I can't wait to get pregnant so we can tell his mom. I just know she'll be so happy and excited. Telling her I feel would be a sure thing that she would be super excited, whereas most everyone else, I wouldn't be sure. My parents and I have an... interesting relationship, to say the least.

Goo

So today was another monitoring check up. I went in for an u/s and everything looks ok! My lining and follicles are still immature, but they're there and growing. My lining was at about 5.7 when she said it needed to be closer to 8 and all but one follicle was under 10mm. So... yay, I guess. I go back in on Monday afternoon for another checkup and a crotch full of goo.

Fantasy baseball has officially started and I'm off to a 2-1 start. Not too bad, if I do say so myself.

House Update: Well, there's really not much to say at this point. We've had no action. How freaking sad is that? I still have the faith, but at this point in time, it looks like I'll be pregnant (please!) before the house gets looked at. Ugh. I just really want to be able to decorate a nursery without trying to sell a house, too. No painting...

My sickness: So anyone who knows me knows I love to shop, but will never pay full price - for anything (except on very rare occasions; this applies to clothes, by the way). I love the feeling of getting a deal and I hate knowing that I will have spent a crap load of money on some thing someone else, a month or two from now will get cheaper. So I wait. Which is good! Until I find sales. Then my husband gets mad. Because then I spend. I try to talk myself out of things that I know I do not need (which could qualify as everything, because let's face it - I'm not exactly wearing rags). But its very hard to pass up on pants or shirts that are on sale for a really good price.

In the past, I splurged. I racked up major credit card debt. Oh, I was so, so stupid. I paid full price for everything and had credit cards to so many places... I think I had like 12 credit cards. All pretty much maxed out. But! I had a closet full of beautiful clothes. Clothes I look at and still adore. If only I could get into them. See, I've gained weight. Like fifty pounds. I gained weight and I'm lazy and I love sugar and eats lots of food and candy, thus explaining the 50 pounds (and growing!). Good thing I'm tall, or I'd look a hell of a lot worse then I currently do. The 50, by the way has gone on slowly - I would say since early college, lets say 2000 or 2001.

Nevertheless, I cannot wear my great, full price, expensive clothes. And I refuse to throw them out, because they were so expensive (to me) and I dream that one day... one day, something will happen... like I'll suddenly become thin... and then, then I'll be able to wear my beautiful clothes... and I'll be so thankful that I have these clothes...

I buy new clothes at discounted prices, knowing I could very well get much fatter and wanting to be able to throw something out without the pain of knowing it was expensive. And, I still shop, even though I'm trying to get pregnant. Funny, huh. Hopefully my new clothes won't fit for much longer. Hopefully they'll fit again...

So that is my sickness. The sickness my husband can't understand. And wow! there is no way I'm going to be able to try to tie that in with what I started this post with. So I'll end it the word goo, so I can pretend it all makes sense. goo

Kinda confused

So I'm still new to this whole IF thang... and I guess I'm somewhat confused as to everything that's out there. I know my doctor/nurse will make sure I am where I'm supposed to be and make sure I am given the right treatments and what not. I guess I just feel kinda stupid when reading about other people's IF issues. Anyway. So my blood work came back from last Thursday and it looks like I'm good! My progesterone was at 54. I was told that was normal. Whatever that means. I'm trying to fond a detailed, easy to understand website that explains all of this stuff. Why are they monitoring my progesterone on my CD3? I know they'll do it again this Thursday also. I'm having another US to see where I'm at after the Clomid - I guess this is where they'll be looking at follicles? Hopefully everything will work out and we'll be good to go. My other huge worry is not knowing when I'm going to ovulate, if I do and how I can tell (since that's my problem - I don't). I know OPK tests are supposed to work but the last ones I used told me I did, when I didn't. WTF? The nurse had me buy a different brand, so hopefully there won't be any more confusion.

Tired

Good grief am I tired. This weekend was a lot of fun. Mike came and stayed with us and we had the ALB draft. I made food and am generally baseballed out. I am a part of three fantasy teams... ugh. I may not be a very good owner this year. I don't know how into it I'm going to be. Oh well. Considering I kicked some of the ALB guys' asses last year on Yahoo, I bet they'd be pretty happy about it all. I was going to post something yesterday, just to try and get out of the Tues/Thurs only habit, but was tired and didn't feel like it. Didn't feel like typing a lot. I wonder if this is the Clomid that's making me feel this way; I'm on a higher dosage. I still don't think its working though. I don't have any of the typical side effects, except night sweats (like last night). I'm not hormonal, I'm not cranky or PMS-y or anything. I really think that if the Clomid works, my body will act differently. Today is day 8, which is Clomid day 4. So I'm almost done with that round and, hopefully that means I'll be done with that for forever! I've been thinking a lot about getting pregnant and how much I want to and the fact that I don't share that with very many people. I want to have a baby. It still makes me feel funny to say that. When talking about it with Marc, I still use "kid" instead of baby sometimes. It's hard for me to admit it, like it's a weakness I have. My family doesn't know (not that I'm super close with them anyway), Marc's family doesn't know and I don't think I want them to. I would rather let them in on it in the future when I am pregnant or have had a baby. And I don't want to be that person who everyone pities. I don't want people asking me about it. I don't want to be the person that someone knows that is going through this that they tell other people about. You know, the "I have a friend who struggles with infertility" every time they are in a conversation about infertility or babies.

Yesterday I had lunch with Sarah and a former co-worker/~friend and her baby. She was just the cutest thing in the world. I got to hold her for a little bit and she was awesome. She was 7 months old and just happy and sweet. I feel really good about this upcoming IUI and really hope this works out for the good.

So the rest of the weekend was also fun. After the draft, I met up with my girlfriends and celebrated a co-worker's birthday at Howl at the Moon. It was crazy. I got there late and everyone was just trashed. Someone got kicked out! (I won't say who) So, after that mess, I called Amy to see what she was doing and met up with her and Ponch at a bar near where I was. It was fun. We hung out and I didn't say anything about how upset we were about the upcoming trip (yay me!). I've decided that she is family. And that I need to move past this thing and just be more careful in the future about what we say. But that I can't hold it against her without even telling her about it. So, I'm trying to get past it and hanging out with them on Saturday was a good first step to that. Marc and Mike went over to hang out with the guys that night and got home much earlier than I did. We all went to breakfast and Mike left and Marc and I ran some errands but basically had a hangover/do nothing day. It was pretty nice. Now if I can just get over this extreme exhaustion. I even drank a coffee drink to help wake me up to no avail. Yawn. I am so not a morning person.

Monitored Cycle

My monitored cycle starts now! Yay! I'm so excited to finally get this show on the road! I went in today for my day 3 ultrasound (yes, I officially started my period. After 52 days and medication). So today's appointment was to test to see if I had cysts on my ovaries. As it was explained to me, the presence of large cysts would have indicated a higher than desired level of estrogen. The tech said that anything over 15mm would be too large and they would not start me on Clomid. I didn't ask what would happen then, because I honestly didn't think that would apply to me. Well, I was pretty close... I have a cyst on my right ovary that measured 10 mm. Fortunately, I sailed through. My uterus was also in good shape - thin. I also got blood drawn to check some other hormone (???) and left $1,000 poorer, without a vial of blood, with 'jelly' leftover from the ultrasound (did I mention it was vaginal? Oh yeah. On my period and got to have a vaginal ultrasound. Good thing my period is light this month. Those poor techs... I mean really. Ew.), a lovely prescription for 100mg of Clomid and an appointment for next week. YAY! Moving forward! I also got instructions about which kind of OPK tests to buy (hint: not the kind I currently own). Overall a pretty good visit, and I still beat The Tool to work. I stupidly left a voice mail for him because I thought I wouldn't beat him. Dang! So now he knows that I was late. And *chuckle* he doesn't know about all the baby stuff, but thinks I'm really sick or something to have all these doctor's appointments where they keep drawing blood. Heehee. I've assured him that was not the case, but he still seems worried. I guess that's nice of him. Whatever.

This weekend is the draft, for which I am now participating, instead of watching. I haven't really prepared my list. I'm too busy preparing to have Mike come and stay with us! I'm going to the grocery store and trying to pre-make stuff for breakfast and lunch during the draft. I was also invited to a birthday party Saturday night which should be lots of fun, but doing that would interrupt hanging out with Mike and talking about the draft. Ugh... I don't know what to do. I've committed to both, but don't feel like doing the birthday thing. I guess we'll see what I feel like and bail on someone. Or maybe just go to the birthday thing later than I anticipated. Fun weekend ahead! I just hope the Clomid doesn't make me into too much of a crazy hormonal bitch. :)