So it started off with the dermatologist appointment this morning at 10. He seemed really nice and removed one 'abnormal' looking mole to send off and one unsightly skin tag I was SO glad to be rid of. They now hurt, but didn't at the time. So that's good. He also gave me a safe rosecea medicine I can use while pregnant (that the RE even okayed).
I then went to meet and talk with Dr. M, who I love. Talking to her always gives me such hope and optimism. She answers my questions, doesn't mind that I ask them and knows me. Like, doesn't have to look at my chart to know my history and know what I've been through and know who I am. Which means so, so much. She helped clear my worries of:
- other testing that may catch something
- my short LP
- the study I read online about PCOS/early miscarriage rates and Met.formin. (That met would bring down the higher chance of m/c that PCOS girls have.)
- my stimming length of time
- when to go to IVF
It was just really nice to talk to her about things. She gave me a card to the resident therapist and told me if I was feeling especially stressed and frustrated that I should call and see what I think about going to some support groups or talking to her. I know I should think about it, but it's very hard to think that I can do that with the $$ situation the way it is. Realistically, we probably shouldn't even think about moving right now, should fire our maid, shouldn't get a dog, should sell our new iPhones on ebay, and I should start applying for jobs at fast food restaurants. I'm stressed because I just paid medical bills. Which are now even higher.
Back to my talk with Dr. M; I have been tested for everything that is a valid test. My short LP is a concern (which - HA! I knew they never noted that when I told them my period was starting super early after the IUIs) so I am now on Endo.metrin which is fucking expensive. (I know it's nothing like IVF meds, but we aren't at IVF... and I know it could be a lot worse and am glad I respond well to low-ish doses of Gonal.) My concerns about Met and m/c and PCOS is not super valid. Apparently there was a study that tested Met and getting pg with a sub study of m/c rates. And the people on Met who got pg didn't have a lower rate of m/c - in fact it was slightly higher. So, no Met for me, which I'm somewhat happy to hear about given the recent increase in fertility meds I'm taking and the $$. Stimming for a certain length of time... well, as long as it's not short, like 5 days, anything from 7 to 10 days is good. And won't make a big difference if we go 7 instead of 10. So that worry is set aside.
The last is the IVF. She asked what we were thinking about it and that we should start to think about it. (I didn't tell her that we both have had it sitting in the back of our minds since this thing started. We both just automatically subtract $40,000 out of savings and then stress about it. And buying a house and such. STRESS.) She also confirmed some serious doubts. IVF won't help us stay pregnant, it will just get us pregnant faster. Considering I've conceived twice, with no live baby, it is not a pleasant thought that we should pay 5 times more for the same result.
If we don't conceive in this IUI or the next, we will seriously venture into IVF. That's the standard. 3-4 failed inject/IUI cycles says time for IVF. IVF will give us more information. Like egg quality that blood tests aren't picking up on. Or sperm issues that a SA doesn't see. Or fertilization problems. There's all sort of things that could help answer the IF question further. Unfortunately, none of these answers mean anything if we do IVF and get a BFN. I mean, it's not like there's a better treatment out there. IVF is it.
I admitted that I was probably more scared of getting pregnant again than I am of anything else. I would just wait for the other shoe to drop. She told me that she knows that it will happen for me, that I will be pregnant. And it feels so good to have someone tell me with such honest, pure, BELIEF that this will happen for us.
So, onto the rest of my day. I then had a scan and blood work. The scan was awesome. I told the tech that I would seriously probably cry if there was a cyst - I think I freaked her out a little. But - no cysts! This cycle is a go! I'm waiting for my e2 levels back and official instructions that I'm to start the Gonal tonight. The b/w didn't hurt either. Sometimes it just feels like they are stabbing my arm. I got a free box of Endomet.rin which was nice, considering I now know how expensive it is. And I confirmed the order for all the meds I will get tomorrow. And abused my AMEX to the tune of ~$700 for those meds. Ouch!
I am super, retardedly excited to start this cycle, so I can't wait for the phone call and tomorrow's first injection. (Now I just need to worry about using expired meds and if they're still good... god I hope so. I can't imagine that I wasted all that money.) But! Wish me luck on this cycle! And tell me how beautiful our new puppy (getting her end of May/beginning of June) is!
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