Monday, Meh

Notes on Infertility:

Basically, I've learned I need to lose weight. That may help with the infertility thing. Joy. Because I need to feel bad about my body even more. I like being a lazy couch potato. Do you watch TV? It's fun. Play on the computer? Also fun. And entertaining. And, dammit, I have a treadmill so I can exercise and do the things I like at the same time, but it. will. not. fit. inside. my. fucking. house. So there. "A" for effort, right? I think about exercising. I also think about the day the goddamn spell check will work and I don't have to look like some kind of illiterate idiot.

And, also no more smoking (I know, I know, but its only when I drink, which isn't that often and its not like I'm going to be drinking while pregnant, so you see my whole train of thought? Yeah. Now, no verbal abuse for smoking and not being able to get pregnant. I know.) And now I'm seriously going to stop. It shouldn’t' be too difficult (knock on wood) because I don't even like the taste of cigarettes anymore and they stink and I hate smelling bad, but dude, they don't call it an addiction for nothing. I sometimes just crave one. I can go weeks and just crave one. And if I happen to light up and take a couple of drags, I remember that they suck and are nasty and I put it out. The problem is when I drink (and therefore smoke) and that smoking can exacerbate infertility. And now that Marc knows that and that he hates, oh my fucking god, he hates that I smoke (even as infrequently as I do (I'm an angel, I swear)) I am going to get so much shit, its not even funny.

So, yeah. Fun, Monday. I guess I could consider this past weekend my last hurrah. Because I drank a lot (like almost an entire bottle of vodka. yeah. seriously.) and smoked a lot and generally felt like stinky crap on Sunday. But, it was fun!

No more of that kind of fun for me.