Roller Coaster

Wednesday I tested (as I do every morning) for ovulation. Although Wednesday was my cycle day 25, I still tested. It was positive. With all my previous tests and being on medicine and whatnot, I have not ovulated. So, I was pretty freaking happy that it appeared that my body did it on its own. Thursday I tested and got a negative. WTF? I then proceeded to get super crampy and period like. My stomach hurt. My back hurt. It took a long time for me to go to sleep last night with all my pains. So, I'm very curious as to whats happening with my body here... if I actually ovulated or just got a false reading. Maybe I screwed up the test. But, if not, and if I don't start on my own (and with a negative pg test) I will call to get my prescription for Provera that will start everything up. Yipee! The wait to begin is almost over!

I also am super excited about the prospect of moving. We have hired movers to come and take our shit March 8. We're moving to storage and then listing the house. I am so, very excited. Especially since I found a house I want. I want it and love it. (I get this way, mind you, every once in a while.) I have yet to actually see it, but my god, I want it. I am torturing people by showing it to them. I want it. Its just beautiful. Do I actually think we'll get it? No. Its out of our price range (by a tad - OK more like $25,000, but you know - small change)(and to justify it even more, its empty and has been on sale for a while and no one's bought it yet - they've lowered the price and nothing... I can dream, dammit). It's in a great neighborhood, in a great area. In exactly where we want to live. But I know I'm getting too invested in this house already and I need to keep telling myself that we won't get it and it's too expensive.

BUT I WANT IT

New York, Part One

so New York. It was great. We had a blast and froze our asses off. We woke up at 3am, like expected and made it to the airport in good time. Was all ready to go when we found out about the storm that hit the Northeast. We were delayed two hours. Ugh... it wasn't too bad, but any delay sucks, especially if you've been up since 3am. So we finally got there and began our adventure. We stayed at the Hotel Roger Williams, which was pretty nice! Very modern and stylish. (Marc and I even got a free upgrade - heehee). We went to Original Ray's pizza - the best pizza we had in NYC. We then went down the Canal Street, where I got a totally fake Coach bag, that looks pretty good and a fake Tiffany's necklace, that I just liked the look of. The back rooms we went to were amazing - we went into one through a hair salon for jeebus sakes. I only wish our shopping had been more thorough. I mean, really we just hit a very small section of Canal/Mott that was pretty much all in Chinatown. I would have liked to see more. Especially since the jewelry rip offs aren't anything like what we have in Houston. I mean, sure you can find great bags on Harwin (if you dig) but not really jewelry. At least not that I've seen.

Anyway, to get back on topic... We then started our trek back up to the hotel. We walked. For forever. It was cold. COLD. We stopped off at a bar and got a drink and tried to dry out a little bit, because it wasn't just cold, it was sleeting. So we got wet. Yuck. We walked like 30 blocks to our hotel. We ate at Veslaka (or something close to that) a Ukrainian cafe. The food was pretty good. We walked over to Times Square which was cool. I was a little disappointed from the angles we saw the billboards and lights at - it wasn't what I had traditionally seen Times Square like. Oh, well. For as much as we saw, there was a lot we didn't. We also went over to Grand Central Station to check it out. By that time it felt like we had walked everywhere and were exhausted, so we went back to the hotel and went to sleep. It was probably close to midnight or later. I really lost time of when we did what... it just all seems to melt together.

Saturday we woke up at 8-ish to meet for breakfast and experienced public transportation NYC style. We bought an unlimited day pass on the subway/Metro! It was surprisingly a lot dirtier than Moscow's. A lot. I was really pretty surprised. Moscow's stations are all individually decorated (and when I say decorated, I mean intricate mosaic tile, statues and busts; really beautiful stuff). The tunnels also weren't as deep as in Moscow. The elevators there were really steep and took forever. It makes me wish Houston had a better mode of public transportation. We have the bus and the light rail, which seriously so few Houstonians can actually ride, its pathetic. We need a train. Or something! I mean, Moscow had trains, the Metro and buses. NYC has buses, subways and (I don't know if this is technically considered public transportation) but taxis. Houston needs SOMETHING. Everyone drives their own car - how sick is that?!? Is it any wonder we're so fat and polluted down here? Get us some trains so people from the burbs can get to the city in a reasonable ($ wise) and environmentally friendly fashion.

OK, so rant over - and since I'm still very very tired, so ends my post for today.

New York, New York

Here I come. Well, after I get off of work, go home and pack, wake up at the ungodly hour of 3 something (dear, sweet jeebus, seriously... according to Marc, "We have to leave by 4 or I will be freaking out.") so I can do my hair and makeup and pack up all tolietries and what not. Argh. I will try very hard to remember that I can buy things in NY and do not need to bring everything I could possibly think I may need, when I pack tonight. I will try to have one bag, and one bag only. I will try very hard to only bring what I really need. And not too much more. If only everything with Jen would work itself out, then the whole thing would be perfect! They're calling for 1-3 inches of snow in NYC, so I hope our plane doesn't get delayed or anything.

Plans are Fun and Good

so I guess i should start with the weekend... my friend Sarah came over to learn Adobe InDesign. We went to dinner and then spent a couple of hours going over the program. She wants to learn it so she can put it on her resume. We went to bed early... ten o'clock. and slpet until ten o'clock. I am really worried about being pregnant. I know you're supposed to be really tired and stuff, but if I can easily sleep 12 hours a night, how much more will I want to get while pregnant?!? Jeebus. Anyway, so Saturday we met my family up at a ghetto Chinese food buffet to see my great grandmother's sister, Aunt Katie. It was pretty fun. My grandmother, great grandmother, aunt and her husband and family and my uncle were there. My cousin (fourth removed) was there as well as my uncle's mom. Sunday we went to look at Amy and Ponch's storage space. I am very proud of myself. I packed up my shoes and organized the rest of them and cleaned out my drawers and under the bed. It was a lot of work! Marc had President's Day off (bastard!) and so he hung out at home and played computer games. I had a pap smear (fun!) Monday afternoon and then went by Half Priced Books to pick up some goodies. I got 9 books! I was excited. I then went home and played the Sims. I'm starting to get really excited about NY! I'll have to pack sometime and try not to mess up my newly organized closet and drawers. I weighed myself the other day and realized that the weight I gained, and then lost, I have regained. It was only 5-10 pounds, but that number made me stop and freak out a little bit. So I lost the weight and now have officially gained it back. I really need to start eating better. I realized I was gaining it back when I felt my clothes getting tight. *sigh* Marc says I need to cut out the sweets. Which I totally do. I know they are part of the reason I'm so large and I need to stop eating them everyday (cuz I do. Everyday. Desserts are a normal part of a meal for me). I'm kinda bummed about that... that and knowing that in NYC I will be a cow. I know most people there do not weight as much as I do and I'm kinda bummed about being this big and going on this trip. Jen (who we're going to NYC with and her husband Alex) has recently started taking that Alli stuff and has lost like 30 pounds!!! She looks great. All I can think about is that I wish I could have lost that much weight. She's only been doing it since January. I'm so jealous, but I know I shouldn't take anything while trying to get pregnant. Ugh... I keep dreaming about my treadmill being up and running and using it. Now that I have my iPod, I need to make a playlist and start excercising on my own outside. :P I hate excercise.

But onto the good news! The plan! So, at the RE's yesterday, I talked to the nurse about which plan we should do (monitored, what dosage, etc) for this upcoming cycle and she said she would talk it over with the doctor and see what she said. My history of having been on Clomid with little to no results led me to think that it would be best if I was on a higher dosage and was monitored as to not waste money and to just get it going...

As a back note - my history includes 10 days of 10mg of Provera with a round of Clomid at 50mg. My progesterone came in at around 1.2. No ovulation. The second round was 10 mg of Provera to induce a period, then 75mg of Clomid. The progesterone level that time was 3.1. Also, not good. But I think it was positive to see that my levels went up with a higher dosage.

The nurse freaked me out a bit by mentioning starting me on 50mg of clomid and timed sex (you can only take a limited amount of Clomid, so by doing that would waste a month... my RE said 6 cycles was the limit.) I told her I didn't think that would be a good thing - she looked it over and told me we could see what the doctor suggested (yes, please!) So she called today and the doctor said that the monitored high level Clomid (100 mg) would be the best course of action! Yippee! So come day 1 of the period, or day 35, something will start!

Stuff Happening..

So, I guess, Happy Valentine's Day! We went to Taste of Texas (ToT) for dinner where they do not take reservations, so we actually sat down at around 9ish, after a two hour plus wait. We shopped at Bed Bath and Beyond, but since none of us had our handy, dandy 20% off coupons, we didn't buy anything. So, we stuffed ourselves on fantastic steak. Oh my fucking god I love that place. So good. I got roses (aww.. what a sweet husband)(but I knew I was getting flowers - kinda takes the surprise out of things; in fact I told my Marc not to buy me flowers anymore, because they were expensive ($50) and just died and I thought there were things I would much rather have for $50. So no flowers for me anymore, unless by surprise and then I told him I like tulips. So if he's confused would you blame him? Heehee.) Anyway, work sucked major ass yesterday. I was sucked into a long phone call right at five o'clock and couldn't leave, at which time traffic sucked some major balls. Took me about an hour to get home. Uck.

We heard back from the doctors about Marc's SA and the rest of my bloodwork - Marc is a rockstar with supersperm! My horomones are normal! (I don't know that Marc would agree with that, but what does he know? The blood, it does not lie!) So now we have a super game plan. Yay me/us. i'm just excited to know things aren't as bad as they could be and actually seem like they could be ok! I just feel very positive.

On the downside, having to tell my boss about this stuff, without actually going into details about why I have so many doctors appointments, pretty much sucked. I was just trying to be helpful and informative. I don't know the schedule yet but will let him know... And Jen, my friend and bosses boss, was brought into it and she just kinda was like well, I'll guess you'll have to use PTO because its hour by hour now. The whole thing just kinda pissed me off. I knew that wasn't right, and because I'm exempt, I actually think its illegal. But whatever. I talked to the exec HR lady and she cleared things up for me. I just need to make up my time. If its less than four hours, no vacation. So there. That's what I thought. And Jen knows I can and will work from home and make sure I have all my shit done. I mean I don't punch a fucking clock, but can. Because I work my fair share of overtime. Just because she works from 7:30 to 5 and through lunch doesn't mean we all have to. And just because Jeff works from 9 till 6 or whenever and never sees me here before 8 doesn't mean I'm not here! Ugh. Not everyone is a super, over acheiver like her. And not everyone is super busy all the time. Give me some fucking work to do. Its what I'm here for.

Wow. So when did this become a rant? Ok. *breath out* Feel better now. Anyway, so yay, everything seems to be going well. We'll start things on my next cycle, the March cycle. If I don't start on my own, we'll start with Provera, like I've done before. An ultrasound. Then onto Clomid and then, with an LH surge, the IUI. If I don't ovulate with the Clomid (My history is two cycles with 50mg and 75mg, both with disappointing results - little to no ovulation) then I'll be more monitored and we'll get into measuring follicle size and trigger shots that will force my body to ovulate and then the IUI. So, yeah. Stuff going on. Hopefully. And hopefully all this will work miracles and I'll be knocked up.

Also..

I realized I never explained the whole HSG X-ray thing and I hate it when I read about something and never find out what happened or how it was. It went well! It was very uncomfortable, but, ok. It didn't really hurt, just the cramping and horrible uncomfortableness. I went in, waited. Changed clothes and then waited. (I waited for like 1.5 hours). They finally call me back and I explain that I have to pee. Like really badly. So I pee, but try to leave some in because apparently, I will have to pee again after the procedure. Then it starts. They take a picture. The speculum happens. The catheter happens. The blowing up of the catheter. The injection of dye. The cramping, because, oh my god - how does it feel so much like menstrual cramps? How is that possible? And why does my back hurt so bad? Back cramping I didn't expect, but it is where I cramp during my period, so maybe I should have been more prepared. So the dye is in and they take pictures. I have to rotate to the left *snap* I have to rotate to the right *snap* I lie still *snap* I go pee *snap* and finally, I'm done and they take everything out. I'm left with a big wad of crap between my legs and stuff coming out of me. But the x-ray looked good (so they say). No blocked fallopian tubes (yay!) and the x-ray administrator said I didn't have any fibroids on my uterus. Also yay! So that's basically it. They made a DVD of it and I took it over to my RE's office. They haven't called me (grrr...) with the results and in fact, they still don't have the results of my day 3 hormone test and Marc's SA (gggrrrrrrrr.... ). I am seriously irritated by that. I called today and discovered they didn't have them. No I'm just really impatient. Come on! It's been a week! Will update with results...

Big Brother!!!!

Starts! Tonight! I cannot wait to see what stupid ass people they have in the house this season. Marc is totally dreading the entire thing, because it means Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays will be out of comission for me (and him) while I watch my show. Weee! I'm so excited.

I also need to get my car washed, oil changed and (most importantly) my state inspection done. But its yucky outside, so I don't wanna.

Monday, Meh

Notes on Infertility:

Basically, I've learned I need to lose weight. That may help with the infertility thing. Joy. Because I need to feel bad about my body even more. I like being a lazy couch potato. Do you watch TV? It's fun. Play on the computer? Also fun. And entertaining. And, dammit, I have a treadmill so I can exercise and do the things I like at the same time, but it. will. not. fit. inside. my. fucking. house. So there. "A" for effort, right? I think about exercising. I also think about the day the goddamn spell check will work and I don't have to look like some kind of illiterate idiot.

And, also no more smoking (I know, I know, but its only when I drink, which isn't that often and its not like I'm going to be drinking while pregnant, so you see my whole train of thought? Yeah. Now, no verbal abuse for smoking and not being able to get pregnant. I know.) And now I'm seriously going to stop. It shouldn’t' be too difficult (knock on wood) because I don't even like the taste of cigarettes anymore and they stink and I hate smelling bad, but dude, they don't call it an addiction for nothing. I sometimes just crave one. I can go weeks and just crave one. And if I happen to light up and take a couple of drags, I remember that they suck and are nasty and I put it out. The problem is when I drink (and therefore smoke) and that smoking can exacerbate infertility. And now that Marc knows that and that he hates, oh my fucking god, he hates that I smoke (even as infrequently as I do (I'm an angel, I swear)) I am going to get so much shit, its not even funny.

So, yeah. Fun, Monday. I guess I could consider this past weekend my last hurrah. Because I drank a lot (like almost an entire bottle of vodka. yeah. seriously.) and smoked a lot and generally felt like stinky crap on Sunday. But, it was fun!

No more of that kind of fun for me.

HSG today

And I am incredibly nervous. I realized I don't have my Advil with me - it's in the car. I was reading (bad!) about other people's experiences; it can be super painful for some people! So, yeah. Am nervous. Was also reading more about PCOS (which I have) and the complications with diabetes that occurs and am now worried that I will never lose weight and always be a cow. The article I read suggested cutting out carbohydrates, which sucks, because carbs are my favorite type of food! Pasta, potatoes, bread and cakes - yum! I am going to try it. I can feel myself gaining weight again - I felt it before and was able to lose about 5 pounds, but I've stopped being careful and can now sense the weight gain. Back to being more careful, I guess.
:(
So un-fun. I just really like food.

Blood

So yesterday was the exciting blood work up! I had eight vials of blood drawn! I mean, wow - it was a lot more than I had anticipated. CJ, the blood drawer (yes, I'm sure thats her official title and she would love for everyone to call her that - you just tell her I said it was ok) was awesome. She was goooood - didn't hurt at all. Poor Marc got the baby treatment. He didn't watch me getting my done and had to be laid down to get his done. He is terrified of needles and doctors and the whole thing. He did very well, though. I made fun of him, but was very nice. He also had his sperm analysis (snicker, snicker, hee-hee I'm so freaking mature). I thought it would be difficult for him to "perform under pressure" since he was worried about it, but apparently his concerns were unfounded. He also said (and I'm sorry to hear this) that if he had been gay, he wouldn't have had any magazines to look at! What's up with that? What if it had been a gay couple trying to use one of the daddies spermies to impregnante their surrogate? What would he have used? It just doesn't seem right, but I guess its not really my concern. I just feel bad for the people who might have liked that option.

On a completely different subject, the spell checker doesn't seem to work. So I apologize for any spelling errors, because I don't feel like going back and correcting them all. This applies to Monday's post too. Meh.

So now I just have to get through the HSG x-ray which I am admittedly a little nervous about. I mean, the doctor told me I could take Advil. Which you may know is just not good ohmygod advil will kill any hopes you have of conceiving if you take it it means you don't really want a baby, so this basically tells me to be prepared for the pain. Yay. (And it wasn't that big a deal... I'm just being slightly overly dramatic) (but seriously, whatever. Everyone knows Tylenol sucks and Advil rocks at just about any kind of pain you could have. Like I said: what. ever.)

Stoopid

Am. So. Stupid. Went searching for drafts in blogger, cuz I was thinking, well what's the point of saving something if jsut disappears? And then I realized that it doesn't really disappear. It is saved. And I. am. retarded. So I rewrote the whole thing (see previous post) when I didn't need to. 'doh

Cry... a little... now...

I just wrote this whole great big beautiful thing, hit save and tried to open a new page and hit home, when I accidentally sent this page home and going back... there was nothing. Nothing. *wimper* There was a lot. And now, nothing. *wimper, sniff*

Well, I was writing all about my weekend. I shall try to re-create my previous brillance. Without tears. No promises on the no tears part though.

So Groundhog Day! Super Bowl Sunday! And the Red Tide flows again! Tht basically sums up my weekend. That and other words like laziness, junk food (can anyone say ice cream cake?), heating pads and the couch. Friday night, Marc, Amy and I went out to Chuy's to celebrate Groundhog Day and Marc's raise! - yay, husband! - I am seriously so proud of him. He works really hard and totally deserves that raise - and he got one for his employee, too, who is also most deserving. Chuy's was awesome as always and we left a little drunk, very full and pretty fucking happy. From our late night the night before (thank you Handyman Gary), I was exhausted and fell right asleep not too long after getting home. Marc woke me up easily Saturday morning, reminding me that we needed to go and see what the Great Groundhog had left in our shoes and I? I got an iPod (and candy)!! Whoo-hoo! I was so exciting! It's my Groundhog and Valentine's Day present, which is great and kinda funny, because I totally had a vivid dream of getting an iPod for Valentine's Day and funnily enough, the one I got looks exactly like the one in the dream I had a couple weeks ago. Marc got a book an a CD (both Amazon wishlist items (thank GOD for that thing!)) and candy as well. After all the excitement, we had to rush to meet Amy and Ponch for breakfast at Mama's - yum! Blueberry pancakes (is it any wonder we're fat?) We made a stop at the Sketcher outlet store where Marc and I both got 2 pairs of shoes each (yay Marc shopping!) and then made a stop at Costco for cat supplies. We then went home where my ass stayed, with a heating pad, for the rest of the day. I spent that time watching Groundhog Day (love that movie) and moving songs over to my new iPod. Marc was nice and burned all the CDs I wouldn't let him burn before to teh network so I could upload them. I wouldn't let him do it before because my husband is a music snob. Seriously. And he makes a lot of fun of people who listen to "trash" aka a lot of my old CDs. He has me edumacated (kinda) on what "good" music is and I was not eager to let him have full acess to open ended teasing. But, I'm really glad he did it, because apprently a lot of those CDs were on the last leg of life. I did not treat them well and most were mutilated to the point that my laptop would freeze with them in it. Eek! fortunately, I now have them all digitally, so the Coke I spilled on them that I didn't clean can continue it's work at eating away the CD. The iPod process was a long one that I was very impatient to get through. I was dealing with pre-period cramps that Tylenol just does not work well against. (Damn torturers who said I can't have Advil or Midol).

Sunday I woke up early with horrible cramps and the discovery that I! Started my period! Unmedicated! Like a normal person! Yay me! And then the pain brought my glee crashing down to Earth as I gulped down the Tylenol and got my ass on the heating pad. Where it stayed. Until Marc wanted pancakes and I made them for him. (Let me pat myself on the back a little more... I made him breakfast! After him putting up my cranky ass and helping get my iPod set up. He rocks. I married the best man ever.) Then it was back to heating pad therapy until we went to the store to forget stuff. We managed to get enough for chips and dip (because nothing says binge weekend on crap like candy and chips and dip) and burgers. That we ate during the Giants winning the Super Bowl over the Patriots!! Wow! And good for them. I didn't like the Patriots and their sore losing, cheating ways. And good for Eli Manning winning and getting the MVP. Although, I do have to say a few things about that (and the game in general):

1. Look, I know that Eli lead his team to get those points that won, and that fourth quarter drive was amazing, and he is deserving of the MVP, but really? There is no way they would have won that game without that defense bringing it. That defense Won. The. Game. The whole line should be MVPs of that game, because they rocked. Hybrid Escalades for all, is what I say! Come on, Lincoln, dole that shit out!
   
   
2. The old lady up there on the platform - hilarious. And isn't that guy young for a GM? I have to say though, that had I been those players, I'd be like, wait a second. WE won the game - what the hell are doing with our trophey?



3. I loved Tom Petty as the half time show. His songs are so universal and cross generational, I thought it was a perfect choice. And he rocked. But dude is getting old..
   


4. I think Brady totally faked needing that cast and was playing mind games. And I don't like his baby-mama-leaving ass anyway. Punk.




5. WTF is up with the horribly shitty commercials???!? Oh my god, they were all horrible. All of them. I think two made me smirk. SMRIK. No laughter here. Barely a smile. And all of that crap cost HOW MUCH?? These people should have hired the striking writers for some better shit. Cuz they all sucked. Major disappointment. Major. At least the game made up for it.

Overall, a wonderful weekend spent with my baby. I couldn't ask for a better one. Well, I take that back. I wish the Packers ahd been the ones schooling those Pats, but, for what it was, it was great.

Funniest

thing I've seen in a long time.

She is brilliant.

Am. So. Tired...

Seriously, ya'll. (I'm from Texas and can say that without sounding ridiculous unless I want to, so there.) Handyman was at our house until one. o'clock. in. the. morning. Guess who has to wake up and go to work? Me and my wonderful husband. Guess who makes his own schedule... not us. He mentioned working late into the night and how he liked to stay until everything was done. I didn't think he meant 1 am. I've consumed two Frappaccinos today (I really am turning into Britney - although she's way skinnier and way more fucked up than me... ) and am now slowly drinking a diet coke. To make up for all the sugar in the Frapps, I decided to skip lunch. I munched on some goldfish (they have added calcium = healthy so shut up!) as my lunch. Yay, caffeine! So sorry doctor who told me no more than 2 cups of coffee a day for caffeine whilst TTC. I figure this could be an exception. Cuz, you know. Am. Tired. I normally get a solid 8 hours of sleep. I would be happy getting 10 hours a day, but that would require going to bed much too early. I am a night owl by nature, so it is much easier for me to stay up late than to wake up early, thus making going to bed early difficult.

On a completely different matter, what is the deal with people not answering emails!?! Ugh... I cannot do my job unless I get answers! to important questions! WTF?

Work rant over. Back to the excitement of the handyman. Everything he did looks good, so I'm pretty happy with that. He still has to come back and finish our laundry room door, and getting him out to our house again might be a struggle, but as long as he does it, I'm happy. And I'm eager to get movers scheduled because I think that's the only way we'll actually move forward with the whole getting the house on the market thing. Having them come in will motivate and force us (me) to get our shit together. And having me nag and bitch will also force Marc to get his shit together, which I unfortunately see a lot of in the future. We got into a fight Wednesday afternoon because I wanted him to do something to prepare for Gary (Handyman) and was angry and said how I had done everything, which pissed him off, because apparently his thinking was that he had done some stuff (which, to be fair, he had, I just don't know that I would have categorized it as doing stuff in preperation for the handyman. And I also categorized anything he did with me as being null and void, because obviously, I was doing it too, so...)(longest sentence ever!). Anyway, he said I was being high and mighty and a martyr, which was totally correct, however, I felt (and honestly believe I was right in thinking this) that I totally deserved to feel that way if I wanted to. But when I got home, he had done everything I had wanted done, including a couple of my things. So, yeah. We apologized and fight over. ButI have a feeling this is not going to be a one time deal. sigh...

Amazingly, for the amount of tired I am, I sure can write l-o-n-g posts about shit. My tiredness must = shit being pulled from the ass. Beware bosses and coworkers...