Tired

Good grief am I tired. This weekend was a lot of fun. Mike came and stayed with us and we had the ALB draft. I made food and am generally baseballed out. I am a part of three fantasy teams... ugh. I may not be a very good owner this year. I don't know how into it I'm going to be. Oh well. Considering I kicked some of the ALB guys' asses last year on Yahoo, I bet they'd be pretty happy about it all. I was going to post something yesterday, just to try and get out of the Tues/Thurs only habit, but was tired and didn't feel like it. Didn't feel like typing a lot. I wonder if this is the Clomid that's making me feel this way; I'm on a higher dosage. I still don't think its working though. I don't have any of the typical side effects, except night sweats (like last night). I'm not hormonal, I'm not cranky or PMS-y or anything. I really think that if the Clomid works, my body will act differently. Today is day 8, which is Clomid day 4. So I'm almost done with that round and, hopefully that means I'll be done with that for forever! I've been thinking a lot about getting pregnant and how much I want to and the fact that I don't share that with very many people. I want to have a baby. It still makes me feel funny to say that. When talking about it with Marc, I still use "kid" instead of baby sometimes. It's hard for me to admit it, like it's a weakness I have. My family doesn't know (not that I'm super close with them anyway), Marc's family doesn't know and I don't think I want them to. I would rather let them in on it in the future when I am pregnant or have had a baby. And I don't want to be that person who everyone pities. I don't want people asking me about it. I don't want to be the person that someone knows that is going through this that they tell other people about. You know, the "I have a friend who struggles with infertility" every time they are in a conversation about infertility or babies.

Yesterday I had lunch with Sarah and a former co-worker/~friend and her baby. She was just the cutest thing in the world. I got to hold her for a little bit and she was awesome. She was 7 months old and just happy and sweet. I feel really good about this upcoming IUI and really hope this works out for the good.

So the rest of the weekend was also fun. After the draft, I met up with my girlfriends and celebrated a co-worker's birthday at Howl at the Moon. It was crazy. I got there late and everyone was just trashed. Someone got kicked out! (I won't say who) So, after that mess, I called Amy to see what she was doing and met up with her and Ponch at a bar near where I was. It was fun. We hung out and I didn't say anything about how upset we were about the upcoming trip (yay me!). I've decided that she is family. And that I need to move past this thing and just be more careful in the future about what we say. But that I can't hold it against her without even telling her about it. So, I'm trying to get past it and hanging out with them on Saturday was a good first step to that. Marc and Mike went over to hang out with the guys that night and got home much earlier than I did. We all went to breakfast and Mike left and Marc and I ran some errands but basically had a hangover/do nothing day. It was pretty nice. Now if I can just get over this extreme exhaustion. I even drank a coffee drink to help wake me up to no avail. Yawn. I am so not a morning person.