What The FUCK?

So, needless to say, I'm a bit frustrated. We had an 8:00am doctor's appointment Sunday. I had no measurable follicles after 5 days of 100mg of Clomid. My lining was still thin at 4.6mm. I got the voicemail later that day that instructed me to do 75iu of Gonal and that they would see me again on Wednesday. I am so frustrated I want to cry.

My last cycle I did the Clomid then 4 days of 75iu of Gonal and ended up with ONE follicle at a measly 16.4mm when I triggered. Not surprisingly, I got a BFN. So WHY would they not increase the dosage of Gonal? I don't even have a good starting point, follicle size wise. I am so frustrated and am working myself into a good upset. Do they not want the IUI to work? Do they just want me to go to IVF? I swear, if they push me on IVF, I'm going to see another RE for a second opinion. I AM NOT READY to accept that IVF is our only chance. I'm waiting to hear back from the nurse about whether or not they'll increase the dosage. I better hear back soon or else I'm making an appointment with the doctor to talk about this with her today (if possible). I will be super pissed if this cycle gets cancelled.

Super pissed. I seriously want to cry right now.

In other news, we had two showings this weekend. Or, I should say, we had two scheduled. We don't know if they actually showed up or not. Ugh. And a big shout-out to our neighbors who left their laundry out for the potential showings. We made a special trip to the Home Depot for you. Looking forward to spending $100 or so on plants to hide your laundry. Thanks a bunch.

Yesterday we went over to my parent's house and went swimming and stuff. I told my mom about our IF and stuff. It was a big step for me. She just kept bringing up these people who had recently had babies and then she told me about how my BFF from high school was diagnosed with endometriosis, had lap surgery and was told that if she wanted kids she'd have to try right away. And she told me about her sister who had a m/c at 10 weeks. She gave me this really sweet book called Someday that almost made me cry and so I decided to tell her. It was kinda weird. She was nice about it. Wanted to know about all the science and stuff. I guess she approached it the way I would... give me the facts so I know what we're/you're dealing with. I refrained from giving her hard dates though. I don't want to have to keep up a cycle by cycle, blow by blow with people on where we stand, pregnancy wise. I'd rather just wait until it happens and then let everyone know.