10dpIUI

So here I am at 10 days past IUI, or - 4 days until beta. This weekend I've felt tired and icky (thank you endom.etrin) and still have sore boobs. And that's really about it. So, we'll see.

We picked Leinie up on Friday and so far have had erratic sleep. I've been the one to get up with her mostly - Marc seemed to sleep through some of the initial barks and whines. Last night we both endured long barking and whining. Hopefully she will get past this phase quickly. We took her over to A&J's Saturday where she was overwhelmed and behaved. She slept a lot and basically was a poster child for a laid back dog.

We also found out A&C were 11 weeks pg. I was immediately happy and bummed at the same time. I spent the night getting up with the dog, who was sick, and crying. This is honestly the first time someone else's pregnancy has affected me this way. I cried and cried and basically felt really sorry for myself. And then hated myself for not being happier for them. We were pg (the second time for me) at the same time and then miscarried at the same time back in December. They got pregnant pretty easily and I've been waiting for an announcement from them for a while. I guess I didn't expect the announcement to be so far along. I mean, I felt like we were pretty close before and she said they would share whenever they knew they were pg again.... I feel a little betrayed I guess. I feel like we kind of went through something and we shared all our difficulties with them... I was shocked although I shouldn't have been. I was just struck with the absolute unfairness of it all. And feelings of jealousy that they'll have the first grandchild on that side of the family (although they are step-in laws, so not really but close enough). And then feelings of self-despise-ment for not being a better person and for being so petty. It just rang so true the dream I had about a month or two ago. We're all gathered for Christmas or Thanksgiving and she is very pg and I'm not. And all anyone can talk about is the baby and her pregnancy and it's all I can do to be somewhat happy around them. And in my dream I just want to curl up and die. So with the timing of it all, yeah... I can easily picture this happening. It makes me want to skip the holidays this year. My only hope is that I'll be pregnant too.

Sunday afternoon we went over to my parent's so Leinie could meet their dogs and my family. Again, the poster child of a laid back dog. We got back home and she was pretty playful. I think she just gets overwhelmed. I need to take her to the vet and set up a schedule for her shots and other vaccines and talk about when we can spay her.

So that was my weekend. It'll be nice to get Leinie used to a more set schedule here around the house. The cats are slowly adjusting, I think. They just need more time getting used to her.