So Depressing

AF is fully here. IUI#5 is a BFFN.

I have some questions about the point of Endom if I started spotting for my period yesterday. Way too early to start considering I'm shoving this shit up myself twice a day and spending money for something that doesn't work. Signs that I should be tested? For something???

So more IVF talk. A spreadsheet to weigh the fiscal pros and cons of doing SharedRisk vs paying for them one by one. And the winner... SharedRisk. Although, I was faced with the realization that their 70% back! really isn't all that great once you factor in the amount you spend on meds and cryo and anesthesia for each cycle. Blech. I feel like crying. No February or March baby for me. Yes, I am assuming I'm going to have a cyst and will be forced on a break cycle. Either that or I'll be starting birth control pills (if I'm lucky).

I'm just so upset about all of this. Onto IVF. For real this time. With no guarantees. How do so many people do this? How do so many people afford this? I know I should be thankful we are able to stretch this, even with me out of work. I know I should be thankful for a lot of things that I'm having a hard time thinking of right now. I know a lot of people have it a lot worse. And have been through a lot worse. I'm trying to think of that right now, to keep myself from being so upset. But when will it be my turn? How long do we sit in limbo? Waiting to get pregnant. Waiting for someone to buy our house. Waiting for someone to hire me.

Just.

Waiting...