New Plan.

We are Moving Forward. Oh yes. And while I'm still incredibly anxious and worried and whatnot, I am also excited.

I started birth control pills Friday afternoon. After a 3 hour doctor appointment, in which all my questions were answered (thank you very much Connie - I heart you). I knew going in, and told Connie (u/s tech) that if there were cysts we were moving to IVF and if, by some miracle, there weren't any cysts, we'd do another IUI with injectibles cycle. Lo and behold, there were FIVE huge cysts. I knew they were there - I could almost feel them all. The most I've ever had. I would have been on a break cycle for sure, hoping we got pregnant again, and waiting until CD35 for Provera. So instead, I'm on BCP, moving towards our first IVF. I guess this means we're doing the right thing - all signs pointing to IVF. And it felt really good - everyone at the clinic was so excited for me and confident that this would work. The confidence they had helped boost my own about this.

There is still a lot to do before the actual IVF starts. In any random order I need to get approved for Shared Risk*, take the class, get my protocol, possibly meet again with Dr. M, talk to the financial advisor, and get my nurse D who was not there Friday, up to speed on what we're doing. So yeah. The money freaks me out, as does the possibility of spending all this dough with it not working, but right now.... man I just want to get going. I'm tired of sitting in limbo, waiting for things to happen TO me, as opposed to making things happen FOR me. And IVF is the most aggressive, the best way to get things happening.

M was so funny - he said that with the way we've been doing things financially, it's only right that we do the Shared Risk* and have work the first time rather than pay for them one by one because then we'd probably take like 3 cycles. Oh yeah, and the price went up. Remember how I was just approved in March? The 60 day period has just ended. I'm so mad. I mean, really, what's another $2000, but the clinic didn't raise their prices - the Shared Risk* people did. It's so frustrating, but right on track with the way we love flushing money. They say it includes "more" - like assisted hatching. But I don't need that!! I already talked about it with Dr. M and she said the likelihood of me needing that were very low! How about including ICSI? I sure as hell don't want to spend $2600 extra for that! I'm looking into some credit offers to see if we can get anything with a low interest rate. I'm glad our credit is ok.

And I think I've decided to not really tell anyone about the IVF. I don't know - I feel like I've retreated back into my shell IF-wise a bit. I just feel like we told all these people we have problems, and when we'd talk to them, would tell them where we were in our process... I don't know. Maybe I just feel superstitious about it all and don't want to jinx it by all these people knowing what's happening and that we're spending all this money (or have it to spend - barely). I guess we'll see what happens. I've been very blessed that I don't have a lot of people asking about it - what happening next? where are you? etc.

So that's the big news. We're already trying to cut back drastically and I've been looking everywhere for anything that could help cover these costs. I've got a job fair coming up next week that I'm going to... hopefully I'll be able to find something.

*Oh yes - I almost forgot and wouldn't that have been annoying? Shared Risk is what I call it. Not Attain or whatever bullshit name they came up for it recently. I hate getting corrected by people at the RE's (I know, if I just said it the right way no one would correct me but meh to that) and now I feel all defensive in my head whenever I call it Shared Risk.