The Un-Natural-ness of It

So last night Marc and I almost passed out. Seriously. I went shopping after work. Bought cute socks. Picked up dinner. Ate dinner. And between the meal and the Frosty... was the injection. I did not know how big a deal this would be for me. And I learned, oh yes I learned. I know I do not "do well" with needles - especially shots. I figure, a needle that takes something out of me is a lot less painful than a needle putting something into me, so generally blood draws are nothing! Shots are different. I don't know if it's the sting of the medicine when it goes in or what, but I do not do well with needles.

So the injection lasted a lot longer than intended. I paced. I sat. I looked at the needle. I put it up to my stomach about a hundred times and thought "There is NO WAY I am going to be able to do this." It was just so unnatural. Marc about passed out just looking at the needle, but valiantly offered to give me the shot. He said he would probably pass out afterwards though. I told him, that was ok. I then had a thought - a stroke of pure genius. ICE. I'll numb the area. How stupid am I? So I numbed it and stabbed myself. It was a very weird feeling. Very. Weird. But it didn't hurt at all.

I then had a panic attack of if I managed to get the medicine in me correctly. Did it work? How do I know? I called the pharmacy and couldn't get anyone, so then called Fertility Lifeline who assured me that if I heard two clicks, I did it right.

Let me just get on my soap box real quick... ok. WHAT THE FUCK??? These pens are stupid. I hate them. I would much rather see the medicine in the needle, watch it go away as I inject myself and know that I actually gave myself medicine! You can't tell if you did it right or not! You can't tell if you did it at all! And if you make a mistake and set it to an amount that is too high - well guess what? You just wasted all that medicine. Medicine that IS NOT CHEAP. Just give me a damn needle and a freaking vial. Seriously. The pens suck. They suck ass. I'm so irritated about the whole thing.

Tonight I have the joy of a repeat performance. I watched a couple on YouTube and saw how the gray plunger thingie moves, so I'll have to watch for that.