I'm waiting on my phone call. I don't really know how to feel. I'm kinda numb. It's weird, because I have all these pregnancy "symptoms", yet the knowledge that this could turn out to be something terrible casts this horrible shadow over everything. I can't really be excited. I'm not really expecting any kind of answer today. I know that I'll most likely go in next Monday for a scan. I just don't know how to be. Positive, at the risk of yet another crushing number? Negative, so I'm expecting it, but possibly making my own fear come to life? I still have hope. Barely. I didn't realize how much I didn't have until yesterday when I was telling J about it.
And I already know I'm going to miss this feeling. Knowing that there is life inside me. Waking up every morning and feeling pregnant. All the symptoms throughout the day that go along with a pregnancy. Knowing that I'll get to have a baby of my own within 9 months.
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Thank you: JackieMac, Hopeful34 and K8E
The ramblings of my journey through infertility and now, life with twins.
About Me
- Nerwal
- Texas, United States
- I married a wonderful man (M) in October 2005 and started working on a family soon after. Our dreams came true March 24, 2010 when our twins were born.
"Once you choose hope, anything's possible." - Christopher Reeve
Our IF Journey
Oct 22, 2005 - Married!
Dec 2006 - Stopped taking BCP; adopted the 'if it happens, it happens' attitude
Dec 2007 to Jan 2008 - Did two rounds of Clomid with OBGYN; never O'ed
Feb 2008 - Referred to Houston IVF; dx with PCOS; no MFI
Feb 8, 2008 - HSG clear
April 2008 - IUI#1 with Clomid - Cancelled due to no growing follies
May 25, 2008 - IUI#1.1 BFN
June 30, 2008 - IUI#2
July 14, 2008 BFP; beta #1 30, beta #2 49.7, beta #3 72, beta #4 93
July 27, 2008 - Natural m/c
Oct 1, 2008 - IUI #3 BFN
Oct 13, 2008 Forced break cycle due to cysts
Nov 14, 2008 BFP beta #1 8,234 (Awesome number!! However, there is consistent bleeding)
Dec 1, 2008 No heartbeat; will wait 2 weeks to see if my body passes it naturally again
Dec 15, 17 2008 Two doses of cytotec resulting in a partial m/c with residual tissue - RE says that my body doesn't want to let it go
Dec 18, 2008 D&C
Dec 31, 2008 RPL panel
Jan 23, 2009 DX with het A1298C MTHFR; bring on the folic acid!
Mar 12, 2009 Hysteroscopy clear
Mar 16, 2009 IUI#4 BFN
Mar 24, 2009 Approved for Attain/Shared Risk IVF program
Mar 30, 2009 Forced break cycle due to cysts
May 12, 2009 CD 2 - cleared to start stimming for IUI#5; 150 iu of Gonal starting CD 3
May 22, 2009 IUI#5 BFN
June 5, 2009 Start BCP for IVF
June 10, 2009 Approved for Shared Risk w/ ICSI
June 17, 2009 Goodbye savings :)
June 18, 2009 Teach class and contract signing
June 22, 2009 Start Lupron
June 24, 2009 Last BCP
July 2, 2009 Suppression check
July 4, 2009 Start stims
RE check ups: 7/6 (b/w only), 7/8, 7/10, 7/13 (triggered), 7/14 (b/w only)
July 15, 2009 ER; 32 eggs retrieved; 26 mature; 16 fertilized normally
July 20, 2009 Transferred two 4AA embies; have two to be frozen
July 29, 2009 Beta BFP 126
July 31, 2009 Beta #2 356
August 7, 2009 Non-uterine bleeding scare; u/s 8/8/09 show TWO sacs
August 12, 2009 "First" ultrasound; 6w0d; saw both heartbeats, heard Baby A measured at 103 bpm
August 13, 2009 Spotting scare; Another u/s; Both heartbeats good; A: 112 B: 99
August 19, 2009 7w0d u/s A: 129 B: 134
August 26, 2009 8w0d u/s A: 179 B: 170
Sept 4, 2009 Graduate to OBGYN - first appointment
Sept 28, 2009 NT scan and bloodwork; we are low risk!
Oct 21, 2009 16w check up (no scan)
Nov 18, 2009 20w "Big" u/s; find out sexes - one girl, one boy!
Nov 19, 2009 Close on townhouse!
Dec 4, 2009 Close on new house! And MOVE
Dec 11, 2009 Have weird pains, go to L&D; everything is fine
Dec 16, 2009 24 week appointment (no scan)
Dec 30, 2009 Growth scan; Babies weigh ~2 lbs/2 lbs 2oz
Jan 13, 2010 28 week appointment (no scan)
Jan 27, 2010 30 week growth scan
Feb 3, 2010 Start Childbirth Preparedness class and start weekly doctor's appointments.
Feb 6, 2010 Baby Shower!
Feb 10, 2010 Finish Childbirth Preparedness class/ Dr. Appointment
Mar 24, 1020 Babies are born at 38 weeks via c-section! H weighs in at 7lbs 7oz; Z at 7lbs 1oz
April 8, 2010 Two Week pediatrician visit; everyone looks great!
April 29, 2010 Weights: H 10lbs 5oz; Z 9lbs 5oz
Dec 2006 - Stopped taking BCP; adopted the 'if it happens, it happens' attitude
Dec 2007 to Jan 2008 - Did two rounds of Clomid with OBGYN; never O'ed
Feb 2008 - Referred to Houston IVF; dx with PCOS; no MFI
Feb 8, 2008 - HSG clear
April 2008 - IUI#1 with Clomid - Cancelled due to no growing follies
May 25, 2008 - IUI#1.1 BFN
June 30, 2008 - IUI#2
July 14, 2008 BFP; beta #1 30, beta #2 49.7, beta #3 72, beta #4 93
July 27, 2008 - Natural m/c
Oct 1, 2008 - IUI #3 BFN
Oct 13, 2008 Forced break cycle due to cysts
Nov 14, 2008 BFP beta #1 8,234 (Awesome number!! However, there is consistent bleeding)
Dec 1, 2008 No heartbeat; will wait 2 weeks to see if my body passes it naturally again
Dec 15, 17 2008 Two doses of cytotec resulting in a partial m/c with residual tissue - RE says that my body doesn't want to let it go
Dec 18, 2008 D&C
Dec 31, 2008 RPL panel
Jan 23, 2009 DX with het A1298C MTHFR; bring on the folic acid!
Mar 12, 2009 Hysteroscopy clear
Mar 16, 2009 IUI#4 BFN
Mar 24, 2009 Approved for Attain/Shared Risk IVF program
Mar 30, 2009 Forced break cycle due to cysts
May 12, 2009 CD 2 - cleared to start stimming for IUI#5; 150 iu of Gonal starting CD 3
May 22, 2009 IUI#5 BFN
June 5, 2009 Start BCP for IVF
June 10, 2009 Approved for Shared Risk w/ ICSI
June 17, 2009 Goodbye savings :)
June 18, 2009 Teach class and contract signing
June 22, 2009 Start Lupron
June 24, 2009 Last BCP
July 2, 2009 Suppression check
July 4, 2009 Start stims
RE check ups: 7/6 (b/w only), 7/8, 7/10, 7/13 (triggered), 7/14 (b/w only)
July 15, 2009 ER; 32 eggs retrieved; 26 mature; 16 fertilized normally
July 20, 2009 Transferred two 4AA embies; have two to be frozen
July 29, 2009 Beta BFP 126
July 31, 2009 Beta #2 356
August 7, 2009 Non-uterine bleeding scare; u/s 8/8/09 show TWO sacs
August 12, 2009 "First" ultrasound; 6w0d; saw both heartbeats, heard Baby A measured at 103 bpm
August 13, 2009 Spotting scare; Another u/s; Both heartbeats good; A: 112 B: 99
August 19, 2009 7w0d u/s A: 129 B: 134
August 26, 2009 8w0d u/s A: 179 B: 170
Sept 4, 2009 Graduate to OBGYN - first appointment
Sept 28, 2009 NT scan and bloodwork; we are low risk!
Oct 21, 2009 16w check up (no scan)
Nov 18, 2009 20w "Big" u/s; find out sexes - one girl, one boy!
Nov 19, 2009 Close on townhouse!
Dec 4, 2009 Close on new house! And MOVE
Dec 11, 2009 Have weird pains, go to L&D; everything is fine
Dec 16, 2009 24 week appointment (no scan)
Dec 30, 2009 Growth scan; Babies weigh ~2 lbs/2 lbs 2oz
Jan 13, 2010 28 week appointment (no scan)
Jan 27, 2010 30 week growth scan
Feb 3, 2010 Start Childbirth Preparedness class and start weekly doctor's appointments.
Feb 6, 2010 Baby Shower!
Feb 10, 2010 Finish Childbirth Preparedness class/ Dr. Appointment
Mar 24, 1020 Babies are born at 38 weeks via c-section! H weighs in at 7lbs 7oz; Z at 7lbs 1oz
April 8, 2010 Two Week pediatrician visit; everyone looks great!
April 29, 2010 Weights: H 10lbs 5oz; Z 9lbs 5oz
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Thank you: JackieMac, Hopeful34 and K8E
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