SICK of being sick

I made it back from Wisconsin without getting sick. One day in Houston and BAM! sore throat, stuffy nose, coughing - just MUCUS everywhere. I can't breathe. It hit me in a day and I felt horrible. I'm on the mend, but still coughing and gagging and all stopped up. I guess its a good thing we aren't on a cycle right now or else I wouldn't be able to take anything and I don't know what I'd do. Probably die.

Marc's out of town so here I sit blogging with candles lit, my kitties near me and Monday Night Football on. What the hell is wrong with me? Watching football when it's two teams I don't care about and Marc's not here.

Today I was accepted into the ACT alternative certification program. Yay! Classes start in January and until then I have my book and can read ahead if I want. I'm already signed up to take the TExES Content exam next week. The program people say that if I pass that I can get a probationary certificate and start teaching before classes even start! How cool would that be? I'm also planning on getting ESL certified. I need something to give me an edge against all those fresh out of college bitches. And here in Texas, ESL certified teachers are high in demand.

I'm also a leetle bit excited because today is cycle day 17. Which is pretty much halfway to day 35. Which is when I can start the Provera and get this cycle going! I'm so nervous and apprehensive about moving to IVF. All the new meds, the new procedures with IV's, all the hope and heart that will be going into this cycle. And the money! To say the least!

This weekend we hung out with our good friends who we haven't seen in a while. Our best friends were there with their 2 year old. He is just the most adorable thing ever. And I was his favorite that night. I know it was just for that night and babies are finicky, but it just made me feel so good. Especially on the same night when I had people looking at me with question marks in their eyes when I pulled out the Jack Daniels and fixed myself a drink. And when Marc's coworker texted that she had just had her baby.

I've been feeling pretty emotional lately and had myself a good cry the other day after listening to my IF theme song So Hard by The Dixie Chicks.

It felt like a given
Something a woman is born to do
A natural ambition
See a reflection of me and you
And I’d feel so guilty
If that was a gift I couldn’t give
And could you be happy
If life wasn’t how we pictured it

The lyrics that apply to IF and the words that I feel so closely. The words that I mean to say to Marc every cycle but can't. But still feel. How do others cope with the guilt?

And since the mood of this post has turned pretty somber, I'm going to end it. No point in bringing my make believe readers down.